The Psychology of Sisters' Rivalry -- 1

The movie Dirty Dancing portrays a rivalry between two sisters. The youngest, called Baby, is 17 years old, and the older, Lisa, is a year or two older.

Lisa is socially and sexually more conventional. She is interested in feminine beauty and in attracting a good husband. She identifies more with her mother than with her father.

The conventional sister and the rebellious sister

Baby is more interested in developing a professional career. She identifies more with her father than with her mother.

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In one scene, Lisa and Baby are lying in their beds and talking with each other. Lisa summarizes the current state of their rivalry as follows.

What you care about is that you're not Daddy's girl anymore.

He listens when I talk now. You hate that.

Lisa perceives that Baby had been their father's favorite daughter, but Baby has lost his favor by lying to him that his $250 loan to Baby was not for an illegal purpose. In addition, Lisa surely has informed their father that Baby has been sneaking around and was not in her hotel room during a recent night.

As the older daughter, Lisa feels that she herself should receive more attention from their father than Baby receives. After all, Lisa is OLDER. Lisa is more mature and has more life experience.

Baby had been receiving more fatherly attention because -- unfairly, in Lisa's view -- Baby had been "Daddy's girl". Baby had won and maintained their father's favor by behaving -- in Lisa's view -- in a childish, cute and adoring manner toward him.

The main focus of the sisters' rivalry is their father, not their mother. The sisters are two adolescent females competing for an older male's attention and favor. As adolescents, both are less interested in an older female's attention and favor.

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While they are lying in their hotel beds and talking, Lisa also informs Baby that she intends "to go all the way with Robbie".  At this point in the story, Lisa still does not know that Baby already has become sexually active with Johnny Castle. Lisa thinks that Baby has been sneaking around and petting during the night with Neil Kellerman.

This conversation in the hotel beds took place during the night between Friday and Saturday, when the talent show would take place on Sunday, immediately after which the Houseman family would depart for home. Because Robbie worked in the hotel restaurant, Lisa would "go all the way with Robbie" after meal hours, during the night of Saturday-Sunday.

When Lisa thus informed Baby about her intention "to go all the way with Robbie" during the next night, Lisa was asserting her own more advanced sexual maturity. Baby might have petted with short Neil during a recent night, but Lisa imminently would "go all the way with tall Robbie" during the very next night.

Lisa, the older sister, was about to do sexual activities that Baby, the younger sister, was still too immature to do. Lisa would continue to lead the way through life's adult experiences, while Baby would continue to merely follow in Lisa's footsteps.

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Secretly, Baby was preparing to perform, with Johnny, a spectacular dance at the talent show. Baby had learned to dance quite well, and her dance partner would be big, strong, handsome, masterful Johnny Castle.

However, Baby's father had ordered her to stay away from Johnny. If she performed with Johnny at the talent show, then her father would become even more angry at her.

By defying her father, by dancing publicly with Johnny, Baby intended to change her family's dynamics. Baby's mother would be delighted by Baby's surprising dance performance with Johnny. Baby would further forfeit her father's favor but would win her mother's favor.

Most importantly, Baby would outperform her sister Lisa in the talent show. Baby's mambo dance would be far more skilled, sexy and sensational than Lisa's dopey "Hula" song. Baby, in feminine glory, would defeat and humiliate her rival sister Lisa.

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The Wikipedia article about Sibling Rivalry includes the following passages.

Siblings generally spend more time together during childhood than they do with parents. The sibling bond is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and people and experiences outside the family.[1] Sibling rivalry is particularly intense when children are very close in age and of the same gender and/or where one or both children are intellectually gifted. ...

Sibling rivalry often continues throughout childhood and can be very frustrating and stressful to parents. Adolescents fight for the same reasons younger children fight, but they are better equipped to physically, intellectually, and emotionally hurt and be intellectually and emotionally hurt by each other. Physical and emotional changes cause pressures in the teenage years, as do changing relationships with parents and friends. Fighting with siblings as a way to get parental attention may increase in adolescence. ...

Children may feel they are getting unequal amounts of their parents’ attention, discipline, and responsiveness. ... In families in which physical fighting is forbidden but no method of non-physical conflict resolution (e.g., verbal argument) is permitted, the conversion and accumulation of everyday disputes into long-simmering hostilities can have an effect nearly as corrosive. Stress in the parents’ and children’s lives can create more conflict and increase sibling rivalry. ...

The Wikipedia article about Birth Order includes the following passages.

In his book Born to Rebel, Frank Sulloway suggested that birth order had powerful effects on the Big Five personality traits. He argued that firstborns were much more conscientious and socially dominant, less agreeable, and less open to new ideas compared to later-borns. ...

Smaller studies have partially supported Sulloway's claims. Paulhus and colleagues reported that first-borns scored higher on conservatism, conscientiousness and achievement orientation, and later borns higher on rebelliousness, openness, and agreeableness. ...

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The rivalry between two sisters involves particular dynamics.

Sisters are compared in physical beauty

Sisters are supposed to behave nicely.

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The British Psychological Society has published an article titled Siblings -- friends or foes, which includes the following passages.

Sibling pairs in which children were less than four years apart in age... were more intimate, but also more competitive. In addition, the interactions of same-sex sibling pairs in childhood often involve more aggression and dominance than interactions of opposite-sex sibling pairs, although this does not preclude warmth and closeness.

The Live Strong website has published an article, written by C. Giles and titled Conflict and Jealousy Between Sisters, which includes the following passages.

Sisters may threaten one another's place in the family, and in the world at large. ....

Even the most successful woman may feel jealous of her sister's achievements, [says] psychologist Terri Apter ... It's perfectly possible to have positive feelings toward your sister, with an undercurrent of envy and insecurity, reveals Apter, who interviewed 76 sets of sisters for her book The Sister Knot. The relationship between sisters may be the best example of a love-hate relationship. ....

Despite being painful, conflict and jealousy between sisters may serve a healthy purpose. By competing with your sister, and learning to survive those battles, you learn who you are, and what you will and won't put up with, explains Apter. Sisters who are able to recognize and address conflict and jealousy in their relationship may be able to develop a greater bond.

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This series about sisters' rivalry continues in the following posts.

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